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Welcome to our review of our local pub, The Osprey.
On Friday 16 August Me, Willie, Keano and John went for a few beers at our local pub, The Osprey. Below is our review. |
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The Osprey
The first thing I noticed when I entered the pub was it's distinctive smell. It was not a very pleasant smell, it was the smell of old men unable to shit and piss in the toilet 2 feet to their left. As we entered we seen the entertainment on offer, there was a beautifully crafted pine pool table, with one shite cue and no space to play it in. They also had a TV which played VH1 Classics for the regulars. In short entertainment was somewhat limited, Dominoes and cards are a poor substitute for getting some hole or even "down the yard of ale". The Osprey also has a strict dresscode, which we didn't know about, but they let us off anyway. The dresscode is piss soaked black trousers, the kind you would wear to a funeral and any old cardigan or knitted jumper.
Left: This is Chris, they called him "the youngster"
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SERVICE, PRICES AND FACILITIES
Despite all these drawbacks the service that night for the first round was superb. The young 22 year old blonde lady behind the bar was very nice and really nice looking too, this was when the entertainment got better as I had enough time to masturbate over her as she got my round in. However, on the second round I was served by an old ginger bag who tripped over her tits as she walked. When the blonde chic told me the price of the drinks I didn't even notice, but when the ginger bag told me I was shocked at how dear this pub was for a pint. As we drank our beers a couple of us started to need a piss, this was when I noticed the poor facilities. When we first entered the toilets the place was nice and clean and I was impressed until I noticed, there was no condom machine, this was when we knew we had to leave. However, we all had half a pint left so we stuck it out. Willie though couldn't wait that long and did a security test by walking out with a full pint glass in his hands and he was not even shouted at, this is a disgrace that a pub have such bad security. We drank up and left in disgrace. I would also like to point out that no outside food is allowed in the building, we found this out as we were shouted at by the whole place when we sat a chinese on out table.
In conlusion this is a dear, grandpa, boring old pub that has seen its day. IT IS SHITE, DO NOT GO!!! However if you do not own a computer and are too embarassed to buy porn, go down and spank the monkey over the stunning blonde girl behind the bar.
*1 star- and thats for the ability to masturbate
Right: A pic of our local. As you can see it is not just the people who drink in here that are old. It even looks old
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