FAT ALCOHOLIC STRONGMEN
     
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Below are songs which were written by mostly Andy and Keane, however Willie also had an input. These songs were written about drink, or when pissed about fat people and our hero Arnold Schwarzenegger, hence the name of the band....FAT ALCOHOLIC STRONGMEN. Also sign the guestbook and tell us your 3 favourite songs in order so we can decide on the bands singels to release.


Look out for our album (if we ever get a record deal)
We here at heaven on earth write songs to other bands tunes so that you can sing along yourself. We are hoping to send our tunes to a record company to sign us. If you would like to hear us perform the songs donate 50-100 pounds or dollars to the "buy us a studio" fund, if you do not wish to donate enjoy reading the lyrics, and I hope you enjoy our ideas for our singles and album covers. Don't forget to tell us your three favourite tracks.
WE'RE GETTING STEAMIN' (Andy)
We wrote this song about us and drink. It is written to the tune of Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" and we hope this will be our first single.


JOHN TAKES HIS ANGER TOO FAR,
NOW GET YOUR ASSES TO THE BAR,
TONIGHT YOU CAN FORGET THE CAR,
COS WE'RE GETTING STEAMIN',

MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ANYWAY,
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU ARE GAY,
GET YOUR FINGER OUT IT'S SATURDAY,
AND WE'RE GETTING STEAMIN',

PUT YOUR TRUST AND YOUR CASH IN BOOZE,
NEVER MIND THOSE HOLES IN YOUR SHOES,
GET OFF YOUR ASS STOP ADMIRING VIEWS,
COS WE'RE GETTING STEAMIN',

ALWAYS TRYING DIFFERENT BOOZE,
BUT WHAT WE DO NOONE WILL KNOW,
WE DON'T KNOW,
HE'S A FAT CRAP (Keano)
This song was written about a fat friend of ours with a lazy father and a smelly brother. The tune it is written to is "She's Electric" by oasis.


HE'S A FAT CRAP,
HE'S IN A FAMILY FULL OF BIG FAT CRAPS,
HE'S DONE THINGS I'VE NEVER EXPECTED,
LIKE EAT 50 PIES,
HE'S GOT A BROTHER,
AND GOD ONLY KNOWS WHEN HE LAST WASHED,
AND ON THE TIP OF HIS NOSE THERE'S A FLY,
AND HE NEEDS LESS PIES,

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW HE TRIED TO EAT ME, EAT ME, EAT ME,
BUT HE NEEDS LESS PIES,
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW HE TRIED TO EAT ME, EAT ME, EAT ME,
AND HE NEEDS LESS....
HE'LL EAT YOU AND MAYBE ME,
THERE'S LOTS AND LOT'S FOR HIM TO EAT,
THERE'S LOTS AND LOTS OF PIES TO EAT,
HE IS A FAT CRAP AND HE SMELLS OF SHIT TOO,

HE'S GOT A DADDY,
HE SITS ON HIS ARSE AND DOES FUCK ALL,
AND HE QUITE FANCIES A MOTHER,
AND HE NEEDS LESS PIES,
HE'S GOT SOME PIES,
IN FACT HE'S GOT 60 DOZEN,
HE COOKS THEM ALL IN THE OVEN,
AND HE NEEDS LESS PIES
(WHAT'S THE STORY) KNICKERBOCKER GLORY?.....................The single (Andy)
This song covers a wide range of fat people. It is also the title track to our album (hopefully). It is written to the tune of "(What's the story) Morning Glory?" by oasis.


ALL YOUR MEALS ARE MADE,
AND YOU SIT AT A TABLE IN YOUR BEST CAFE,
TODAY'S THE DAY THAT ALL THE FOOD YOU'LL EAT,

ANOTHER SUNNY AFTERNOON,
AND I'M CHEWING TO THE SOUND OF MY FAVOURITE TUNE,
TOMOROW I WILL GO TO THE CAFE DOWN THE STREET,

NEED A LITTLE TIME TO EAT UP,
NEED A LITTLE TIME TO EAT UP, EAT UP,
NEED A LITTLE TIME TO EAT UP,
NEED A LITTLE TIME TO EAT WHAT YOU FIND,
YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD SO I GUESS YOU MIGHT AS WELL,

WHAT'S THE STORY KNICKERBOCKER GLORY?, WELL,
NEED A LITTLE TIME TO EAT UP, EAT UP, WELL,
WHAT'S THE STORY KNICKERBOCKER GLORY?, WELL,
NEED A LITTLE TIME TO EAT UP, EAT UP,
COM ON EAT THE PIES (Andy/Keano)
This song is about the fat mans favourite food, Pie and his relationship with it, which is as strong as ours with beer. It is written to the tune of "Cum on feel the noize" by Slade, however this song has been covered a lot.


SO YOU THINK THAT I AM OVER WEIGHT,
WELL I'LL TELL YOU HONEY,
I EAT PIES, PIES, PIES, BURGERS AND FRIES,

EVEN MY FAT FRIENDS THINK I EAT TOO MUCH,
WELL I'LL TELL YOU UGLY,
I EAT PIES, PIES, PIES, BURGERS AND FRIES, ALL DAY LONG OH YEAH,

SO COM ON EAT THE PIES, BURGERS AND FRIES,
I EAT PIES, PIES, PIES, BURGERS AND FRIES,

SO YOU THINK MY DIETS A DISGRACE,
WELL I'M NOT WORRIED,
I EAT PIES, PIES, PIES, BURGERS AND FRIES,

I'M IN LOVE WITH FOOD AND HOW IT TASTES,
I DON'T MIND CURRY,
I EAT PIES, PIES, PIES, BURGERS AND FRIES, ALL DAY LONG, OH YEAH,

SO COM ON EAT THE PIES, BURGERS AND FRIES,
I EAT PIES, PIES, PIES, BURGERS AND FRIES,

SO I EAT 9 DINNERS ALL THE TIME,
AND IT MAKES ME FATTER,
I EAT PIES, PIES, PIES, BURGERS AND FRIES,

SO I AM 50 STONE, IS THAT A CRIME?,
I'LL HAVE SAUSAGE IN BATTER,
I EAT PIES, PIES, PIES, BURGERS AND FRIES, ALL DAY LONG, OH YEAH,
STEAL MY STELLA (Andy/Willie)
The idea for this song came to Willie and Andy as they waited in Willie's house for the local video shop to open for Andy to buy his carryout (Willie already had his). The original song "Steal My Sunshine" came on VH-1 and the chorus just wrote itself. Andy then went home and finished off the song by adding the verses. ENJOY


I was pissed out of my skull on Friday evening of last week,
Indulging in some ice cold beer,
My mind was telling me that I was sober, was I fuck,
I couldn't stand on my two feet,
Now the fuzzy stare from a stranger makes me wanna kick his balls,
I've drank so much I cannot speak,
And of course you cannot stop when the first swig passes by your lips,
Or you'll end up missing all the fun,

I'll kick your fucking balls,
If you steal my Stella,
Just make sure you don't touch my fridge,
Do Not steal my Stella,
Help me stay on my own two feet,
Do Not Steal my Stella,

I collapsed on my bed last night but I just couldn't sleep,
I needed just one more beer,
I was walking down and around the town when a pub started to scream,
"Come on in and have a drink",
All the people there had to stop and stare as we were only 17,
And we ordered three pints that were cheap,
Then we looked at the bar, and we noticed that the average age was 83,
But the AAA they still had fun,
DANGER! WARM TENNENTS (Andy/Keano/Willie)
This is a song we wrote one night at Andy's humble home when we were absolutely stoatered. It was inspired by Willie who took Andy's police light and put it on his cock (fully clothed) like the "danger!high voltage" video. We were also given the idea as we have experienced a warm Tennents and we thought we needed to warn people about it.


DRINK IT IN THE OSPREY
DRINK IT IN THE HAGG BAR
DRINK IT IN THE OSPREY
DRINK IT IN THE THORN INN

DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW WHY WE KEEP DRINKING TENNENTS?
COS WE'RE PISSED
COS IT'S CHEAP

DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW WHY WE KEEP DRINKING TENNENTS?
COS WE'RE PISSED
COS IT'S CHEAP

DANGER! DANGER! WARM TENNENTS
DO NOT TOUCH
DO NOT DRINK

DANGER! DANGER! WARM TENNENTS
DO NOT TOUCH
DO NOT DRINK
Steff Wheres Your Shandy? (Keano)
This song is dedicated to one of our ginger friends named Steff. He now has this reputation since once out at the pub AAA members ordered him a shandy at the bar. Steff has never been able to shake this title off since that day.This song is to him, and goes to the tune by Andy Stewart "Donald Wheres Your Trousers?"


You take lemonade and a half of beer,
you pour most lemonde in the glass,
you pour a sip of the beer in there,
STEFF WHERE'S YER SHANDY??

Let Steff drink alot and even more,
He will get totaly smashed,
All the AAA say "LEIGHTWEIGHT!",
STEFF WHERE'S YER SHANDY????

A lassie got off with him,
She was a fucking shocking mink,
And i was feart that he would shag,
Because he had a shandy!

Let Steff drink alot and even more,
He will get totaly smashed,
All the AAA say "LEIGHTWEIGHT!",
STEFF WHERE'S YER SHANDY????

Well he went down to to the pub,
and he actualy bought a beer,
the AAA turned there heads around saying,
"Stephen where IS your shandy???"

Let Steff drink alot and even more,
He will get totaly smashed,
All the AAA said "LEIGHTWEIGHT!",
STEFF WHERE'S YER SHANDY????

A shandy is mighty leight,
But steff thinks it is absinthe,
the AAA would have a fright,
if they saw steff with out a shandy!

Let Steff drink alot and even more,
He will get totaly smashed,
All the AAA said "LEIGHTWEIGHT!",
STEFF WHERE'S YER SHANDY????

The AAA laughed at his liver,
but steff said it was is huge,
ye cannae keep a shandy of a gingy man,
Cause Steff drinks shandy!

Let Steff drink alot and even more,
He will get totaly smashed,
All the AAA said "LEIGHTWEIGHT!",
STEFF WHERE'S YER SHANDY????

STEFF WHERE'S YER SHANDY?? (x2)

Och well,thats the way we sing the song in Johns room,
but of course,
the song might have more international appeal sung ike this,
1,2,3,4!

You take lemonade and a half of beer,
you pour most lemonde in the glass,
you pour a sip of the beer in there,
OH STEPHEN WHERE'S YER SHANDY??

Let Steff drink alot and even more,
He will get totaly smashed,
All the AAA say "LEIGHTWEIGHT!",
OH STEPHEN WHERE'S YER SHANDY????

Oh man stephen he is wrecked,
He is a spewing and a groaning,
He is begging "NO NO MORE"
Oh stephen wheres yer shandy?

Let Steff drink alot and even more,
He will get totaly smashed,
All the AAA say "LEIGHTWEIGHT!",
OH STEPHEN WHERE'S YER SHANDY????

Oh stephen wheres yer shandy? (x2)

You take lemonade and a half of beer,
you pour most lemonde in the glass,
you pour a sip of the beer in there,
STEFF WHERE'S YER SHANDY??

Let Steff drink alot and even more,
He will get totaly smashed,
All the AAA say "LEIGHTWEIGHT!",
STEFF WHERE'S YER SHANDY????

STEPHEN WHERES YER SHAAAAAANNNDY???????
CARRYOUT (Andy)
This song was written one night when Andy was listening to "The Music's" song "Getaway". The words just came to Andy immediately and they fitted in perfect. It is about the AAA experiences with Beer, like when they got pissed and ended up in Irvine, miles from their homes. It also explores what life might be like without Booze....SHITE!!


I can't feel my legs,
I am talking sweaty shites,
We have drank six kegs,
Where's the other five,

What would life be like without,
Any booze for us to drink,
Fighting would not happen so,
Howwood Road would not exist,

Our love is buying a carryout,
Everybody go to Nico's,
Our love is buying a carryout,
Everybody, Everybody loves Nico,

We are nearly there,
You can smell the Grampa's pish,
The Osprey must be quite near,
Let's go get another pint,

Can you see that sign,
It says we are in Irvine,
We should not be here you know,
We are really pissed,

(Chorus)

I can't feel my legs,
We have drank eight kegs
A.A.A. (John)
The idea came for this song when John was listening to some of his old compilation albums which he admits were literally shite. When he heard the song "You Gotta Be" by Desree the chorus just came to him like a beer to his liver and he decided to write his first song. It goes as follows.


Listen as your pint is poured,
Make sure it is fucking cold,
Try and keep your balance at the bar,
Go ahead and swing your fists,
Stand up and be steaming,
Don't be ashamed to drink,

You gotta be,
You gotta be drunk,
You gotta be pissed,
You gotta be steamin,
You gotta be hammered,
You gotta be wrecked,
You gotta be half-cut,
You gotta be bladdered,
You gotta be rat-arsed,
You gotta stay unsober,
All I know,
All I know is drink will save the day,

Fuck what your mother said,
Drink the booze your father drank,
Try to sink your pint in your own sweet time,
Some may drink less booze than you,
But we take a different view,
My oh my, A.A.A,

(Chorus)

Don't drink no breezers (if you do, fuck you!)
Leave them behind, They can't stand the pace,
My head keeps on spinning,
Can't stop it, must be steamin,
The best part is more booze staring you in the face,

(Verse 1)

(Chorus x2)

Got to be drunk,
Got to be pissed,
Got to be steamin,
Don't ever stop,
Got to be wrecked,
Not too....too sober,
All I know is drink will save the day,

(Chorus)

A.A.A
CHUG AWAY (Andy)
This is a song about a guy we caught masturbating in our ex-Maths class. Brady is his partner in crime and his lover. The tune it is written too is "Slide Away" by oasis.


CHUG AWAY,
BUT TRY NOT TO GET CAUGHT,

HE IS GAY,
HE LIKES TO CHUG A LOT,

HE SITS IN MATHS,
STARES AT THE TEACHERS ASS,

MR.DEVLIN SAYS PLEASE DON'T

HE CLEANS HIS PIPES,
WHEN ALL THE WORLDS ASLEEP,

TURNS OUT THE LIGHTS,
HIS GAY FRIEND HAS A PEAK,

HE'S INVITED IN,
TO A HOUSE KNOWN AS A BIN,

THEN HE STARTS TO SAY,

TWEEZERS BABY,
WILL HELP US TO FIND,
OUR LITTLE WILLY'S THAT WE HAVEN'T SEEN IN QUITE A FEW YEARS,

NOW THAT THEY'VE FOUND THERE TINY KNOBS,
THEY CAN HAVE A CHUG,
WHO WANTS TO BE THE ONE, TO CHUG WITH THEM,
IN THE MORNING THEY WON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO,

OF THE MAGGOT KIND,THEY HAVE SMALL KNOBS,
THAT ARE SO HARD TO FIND,
WHO WANTS TO BE THE ONE THAT CHUGS WITH THEM,
WHILE THEY CHUG AWAY
CHUG AWAY(x2)
A-W-A-Y
SOBER MINK (Andy)
This song was written one drunken night by Andy after an AAA meeting at John's House. It's about the terrible idea of the AAA having sober friends, and also about just how attached the AAA feel to their booze. The tune is "Monkey Wrench" by the Foo Fighters.


What have you done with all my drink,
If you have drank it then you better watch your ass,
Adolescent alcy boy,
Drinking another night and sleeping in the bog,

AAA, AAA, AAA,

Don't wanna be a sober mink,
To wake up fine, and feeling fit,
I'll never be a sober mink,
To wake up fine, not feeling sick,

Think it's time to bottle bong,
What would I do if I had sober men as friends,
This one time we bought Kozel,
It was disgusting but we drank it anyway,

AAA, AAA, AAA

Don't wanna be a sober mink,
To wake up fine, and feeling fit,
I'll never be a sober mink,
To wake up fine, not feeling sick,

(DURING SOLO)....DRINK BEER(x4)

Listen up, I'll never quit
I never wanted any less
Than i could fit into my liver
Can't remember any of the things
we did and all the drink
that somehow came along with it
still there's one thing that comforts me
and that one thing is tastey gorgeous beer
CORONA NUMBER NINE (Andy/Willie)
Again this song came about while waiting on the video shop to open while flicking through the music channels. The chorus seemed to write itself just like "Steal my Stella" and Andy finished the verses at home. The original tune was "Mambo Number 5".


One, Three, Seven, Nine, Everybody's on the train, So come on lets ride..
To Nico's just down the town,
The boys say they want some Tequila, So Nico will provide it,
Beer bong like I had last night,
I must say cheers, cos Nico's so cheap,
I like Corona, Budweiser, Miller, and Stella,
And as I continue, the Booze is getting sweeter,
What else can I drink, I really beg you my Lord,
To me flirting with Beer is so good,
Anything cool, It's all good, if it's Alcohol,
Please sit it in the fridge,

A little bit of Corona in my life,
A little bit of Budweiser on my inside,
A little bit of Stella's all I need,
A little bit of Miller's good for me,
A little bit of Guinness in my tum,
A little bit of Carling in my fridge,
A little bit of Coors under my bed,
A little bit of Booze makes me THE MAN!
Corona Number Nine,

Tip it up then down, the beer thats in your hand,
I'll shake you hand, If you get me a round,
Take one step left, Try not to fall,
One for the road, I Might as well,
Buy a pint once, Buy a pint twice,
And before you even know it, You'll be buying 13,

(Chorus)

Bottle bong, The bottle bong,
Corona Number Nine,

(Chorus)

I do all to drink a beer like you,
Cause you can't run and you can't hide,
You and me gonna hit the deck
Corona Number Nine.
I'M GONNA RAPE YOUR GRANNY (Andy/Keano/Willie)
This song was written by us all on a very drunken night and I am sure you will agree is a top drawer song. It is about cheap sex with older women. It is written to the tune of "Cigarettes and Alcohol" by oasis. Our cover for this song (right) is also a clip from our video for the song which is banned in 97 countries we are so proud of it.


IT'S BETTER THAN MASTURBATION,
I HAVE FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING WORTH WANKING FOR,

I WAS LOOKING FOR SOME ACTION,
WHEN ALL I NEEDED WAS A MAGAZINE OF GRANNY PORN,

YOU COULD WAIT FOR A VIRGIN,
OR YOU COULD GO BUY A HOOKER,
MIGHT AS WELL GET AN OAP,
COS ROUND THE OLD FOLKS HOME,

I'M GONNA RAPE YOUR GRANNY, (x4)

YOU CAN FUCK THEM WITHOUT THEM KNOWING,
AND SHOOT YOUR FUCKING LOAD WITHOUT WORRYING BOUT PREGNANCY,

ITS A CRAZY FACINATION,
BUT ALL I NEED ARE MAGAZINES OF GRANNY PORN,